UK Parenting, Lifestyle & Beauty Blog. Mum to Darcy

Wednesday, 11 October 2017

How I Felt Looking Back As A New Mum

I was 21 when I had Darcy which could be considered as 'young'. I was excited though and I knew that it was going to be hard work but on the other hand I felt so lucky and grateful to be able to embark on such a wonderful adventure. 
Those early days were so tough, almost as though I didn't know what I was expecting when like I said I knew it was going to be tough. I hope this is normal but thinking back it just seems like such a blur in my memory, I do feel sad about that. I think with sleep deprivation and hormones floating around perhaps it is normal. I can't really remember what it was like to have my newborn baby, time has just gone so quickly. I struggled so much with breastfeeding and so wanted to be able to do it, so much so when the health visitor came round one time I lied and said I was expressing.. I wasn't. I had actually given up trying and started using formula but I felt like such a failure that I just couldn't admit it. What would the health visitor actually of done, I mean at least I was feeding my baby. In hindsight I do think if I hadn't of stopped trying to breastfeed I would of very quickly of fallen into depression because I sure was getting there. I think one of the reasons I lied to the health visitor is because when the topic of going to baby groups to meet some new friends came up she mentioned a breastfeeding group. I felt very isolated, as though because I would of gone along with a bottle I wouldn't be welcome. Looking back, how stupid was I to even think like that. I didn't really ever attend baby groups and I did make myself very isolated, I suffer with social anxiety and I don't think that is ever taken in to consideration for new mums. You're expected to just go out and meet people.
I think having a newborn baby can put a strain on your relationship too, you're both tired and I know it did for us. You're constantly in a competition of who is allowed to be more tired, and when I look back I realise how silly this really was. Of course you're both allowed to be tired, one of you is looking after a newborn all day and the other goes to work all day. Whilst having a new baby is such a happy and wonderful time, I feel sad that I can't look back and think I felt the same. Don't get me wrong I was happy and grateful to have such a beautiful baby girl but I don't think I knew what to expect


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